Hold With the Left,
Toast With the Right
There is a rule for this, and in Italy there is a second rule that appears to contradict it.
The first is a convention rather than a law, but it is widely given: at a standing reception, keep the drink in the left hand so the right stays free for greetings. Italian etiquette writing puts the distinction plainly. At a seated table the glassware is set to the right of the plate, so the right hand is the one that reaches for it. Standing at a cocktail or before dinner, the glass goes in the left, because the right is needed for social interaction.
The second is that a toast goes up in the right hand. Italian etiquette writing and popular custom both lean strongly that way, reinforced by a superstition still very much alive: in common belief, toasting with the left brings bad luck.
Why the Left Hand Has a Bad Reputation
The prejudice is old and not particularly subtle. The left side has long been associated with the unlucky and the impure, and Italian ceremonial and etiquette traditions consistently privilege the right: as the side of honor at formal occasions, as the hand you offer in greeting, and as the hand that lifts the glass in a toast.
Wine has its own version. Pouring with the left hand is treated as a poor omen, and in parts of the south it can read as genuinely rude toward an older guest. The story attached to it involves poisoners and rings, a bottle held so that something could fall into the glass while it was being filled. Whether that origin is true or convenient, the habit of serving with the right hand outlived it.
You hold with the left because the right is busy. You toast with the right because the left has spent two thousand years being the wrong hand.
Which Means There Is a Handover
Put the two rules together and a standing aperitivo has a small choreography built into it.
You carry the glass in your left through the room. When the host raises theirs and the room turns, the glass moves across to the right, goes up, comes back down, and returns to the left.
It is a three-second transfer and nobody thinks about it. What nobody wants is for that transfer to be the moment they discover their left palm is wet, or that a chilled glass has left a damp mark on a sleeve, or that the paper napkin they were given has bonded itself to the base and now comes up with the glass.
Which is what the napkin in the left hand is actually for.
How to Use a Cocktail Napkin, and What It Is Actually For
Not primarily for your mouth, which is the common misunderstanding. At a standing cocktail its first job is the glass, and the work is mechanical.
A cocktail napkin sits between the palm and the glass, takes the condensation before it reaches your hand, and stops the drip that would otherwise land on the floor, on a sleeve, or on somebody's furniture. It doubles as a coaster when you set the drink down. It takes an olive stone, a cocktail stick, a lemon twist, none of which have anywhere else to go at a standing party.
Etiquette sources give the same instruction for the host from both directions: every drink goes out with a napkin, and a stack stays by the bar. And for the guest: if a drink arrives with a napkin, take it with you.
What Changes When It Is Linen
Almost everything written on this subject is written about paper, by people who make paper, and it shows in the details.
Paper is generally expected to last a drink rather than an evening. Wet through, it loses structure, and the last thing it does before falling apart is stick to the base of the glass and lift with it. The habit of handing out a fresh one with every round exists because of that.
Linen behaves differently for the plain reason that it is a woven cloth rather than a pressed sheet of fiber. It takes on moisture while keeping its structure, it does not shed onto a dark sleeve, and it does not seal itself to a wet glass. A cloth napkin can therefore stay useful through several drinks where a paper one often cannot, which is a property of the material rather than a rule anyone wrote down.
Our cocktail napkins are made in crisp linen rather than the washed kind, which is a deliberate choice for this format: a small square that lies flat under a glass is looked at from above, and the embroidery in the corner needs a flat ground to sit on.
The Question Hosts Actually Ask
Anyone considering cloth for a standing party arrives at the same worry, and it is a legitimate one. Guests are used to paper. Paper gets thrown away. What stops a linen napkin from ending up in the bin, or abandoned in a ball on a windowsill?
The answer is that you have to give it somewhere to go, and it has to be obvious without a sign on it.
One clear surface near the bar, holding something that is plainly a receptacle rather than a display: a shallow tray, a bowl, a basket. Guests read a container next to the glasses correctly and without being told. What they cannot read is an empty console with nothing on it, which is when napkins start collecting on bookshelves.
Glass and napkin in the left hand. Right hand free, dry, and ready to be shaken.
For the toast, the glass moves to the right. Then back.
One obvious place to put the napkin down at the end, near where the drinks are.
Which hand do you hold a drink in at a party?
Usually the left, when you are standing. It is a widely given convention rather than a formal rule, and Italian etiquette writing makes the distinction explicitly: at a seated table the glass sits to the right of the plate and is taken with the right hand, but drinking standing at a cocktail it goes in the left, so the right stays free for greeting people.
Is it bad luck to toast with your left hand?
It is a widely held Italian superstition, and custom follows it: the toast goes up in the right hand. The left has long been associated with the unlucky in Italian ceremonial tradition, which is also why wine is poured with the right. In practice it means the glass moves briefly from the left hand to the right for the toast and back again.
What is a cocktail napkin actually for?
Mainly, it goes between your hand and the glass. It absorbs the condensation from a chilled drink, prevents drips onto clothing or furniture, works as a coaster when you put the glass down, and gives you somewhere to put an olive stone or a cocktail stick. Dabbing your mouth with it is fine; it is simply not the first job.
Are linen cocktail napkins better than paper?
They behave differently. Paper loses structure once it is wet and tends to stick to the base of a glass, which is why hosts using paper generally hand out a fresh one with every drink. A woven cloth takes on moisture without falling apart or bonding to the glass, so the same napkin can stay useful through several drinks.
How do you stop guests throwing away cloth cocktail napkins?
Give them somewhere obvious to put them. A tray, a bowl or a basket on a clear surface near the bar reads as a receptacle without needing to be labeled. Napkins get abandoned around a room when there is nowhere visible to leave them.
On the glass in the left hand when standing, and to the right of the plate when seated: Elisa Motterle on Italian table etiquette.
On the toast raised with the right hand: Il Fior di Cappero. On the left hand in Italian ceremonial tradition and the superstition attached to it: EG News.
On pouring wine with the right hand and the poisoner story: Cinelli Colombini.
Left hand occupied, right hand ready.